so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
