Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
