Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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