3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Green mimosas i think yes
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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