My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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