Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
