playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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