Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Say something about gay babies.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
