so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
