Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
