I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I have grass duct taped all over my body
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
