there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
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