I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
