good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
