I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
