have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Terrible idea I love it
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
