left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
