i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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