when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
