The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
