I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
