Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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