is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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