he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
