Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
