Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
