Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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