Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I hate all girls vehemently.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
