There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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