He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
