i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
