Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
