Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
