Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Bring me that man meat
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Randomize
