awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I stole a fireplace last night.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
