oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize
