In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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