i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
