Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Randomize
