What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Randomize
