I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
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