Fuck appropriateness.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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