Your dad touched me again.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
