So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Send help, water and tortillas.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
