I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
okay pat passed out under dana's car
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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