i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
