it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
