and you said cock pushups were impossible
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
