So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Randomize
