Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
