dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
